It's 5:34 pm, and Wy and I are (not s0) patiently waiting for Caleb to come home so that we can eat dinner, play for a bit, and put Wy down while Caleb returns to work.
Oh, the glamorous life we lead!
I am laying on the ground in the living room, because for some reason Wyatt thinks this is the best thing in the whole world. He crawls all over me, touches my nose, and searches for my belly button. He thinks knocking my knees together is absolutely hilarious.
So we're hanging out and I spot something on the ceiling. As I've mentioned, I'm good at this. Maybe the best. I look at it for a few minutes, hoping it's a moth or a beetle, anything but a spider, knowing full well I have to get up and get it. It's just me and The Thing.
I grab two paper towels (yes, two. as a wise friend once said, "it is what i require!") and climb onto the back of the couch.
It is indeed, a spider.
I steel myself, take a deep breath, and smush the living daylights out of it, spreading the paper towel and squishing as I go. I am taking no chances! Then, the moment of truth.
I slowly pull away the paper towel and watch in horror as the thing scurries off the side.
I scream. A loud scream. A top-o-the-lungs scream, and jump off the couch in two seconds flat.
The next bit is sort of a blur, I had to search for and find the spider and get it, I wouldn't be able to function knowing there was a loose spider on the couch somewhere. Successful, I turn to go throw it away, trying to calm my nerves.
Wyatt has been watching the whole thing, and as soon as I faced him he starts laughing. He shrieks, giggles.
Shrieks, giggles. Shrieks, giggles.
He is mocking me. My 15 month old son is mocking me!
And this is when I knew it was two against one.
I'm gonna have to get me a girl or something.
Dude, use the vacuum! Get out your vacuum get out the wand attachment and suck that sucker up! That way there is no chance it will scurry over your hand or that you will miss in your attempt to squish! Ooh. I hate them too!!!
Posted by: Melanie | February 26, 2010 at 07:12 AM
Kim, you need one of these: http://www.epinions.com/content_89497374340
I particularly like the FULL title (under 'read reviews'). . . ha!
Posted by: Hilary | February 26, 2010 at 07:24 AM
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I am realted to you!
Posted by: Emily | February 26, 2010 at 08:57 AM
LOVE IT! Your description is PERFECT! Especially since all of us have had this happen! Just two days ago for me! I HATE spiders. Despise them. Want to squish their guts.
I had one crawling on my neck the other night while I was folding laundry. I thought it was just a stray hair or something but then I see a HUGE brown spider go crawling across my fireplace tile! I searched for it and couldn't find it. Needless to say, I stayed on my couch after that. I DID find it the next day though and that is when I sucked it up with the vacuum.
So, you would think a vacuum would work but guess what? They can crawl right back out. It doesn't necessarily kill them. That dang spider had it in for me I swear! I did finally squish it. With a shoe. That works best I decided.
Love the story and love little Wy! Trust me, that is a boy thing. I have to deal with that kind of mocking every day. Pretty soon they are going to start torturing me because of my many weaknesses.
Posted by: Leslie | February 26, 2010 at 09:24 AM
And then your girl will turn out to be a spider scientist or something.
Posted by: Abby | February 26, 2010 at 04:39 PM
Hilarious! It gives me the chills though. I hate spiders!
Posted by: Stacy | February 26, 2010 at 05:48 PM